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The Original Ten Commandments for Seniors
Someone, somewhere along the way, decided seniors needed their own set of commandments. The author remains a mystery, but these lighthearted rules have been floating around the internet for years, taking on different forms and variations. They’re not about religion or righteousness. They’re about navigating the golden years with humor and grace.
Here are some versions we discovered while researching this topic. Each one offers a different perspective on what it means to age with dignity, humor, or both.
- Thou shalt not complain, discuss thy ailments even if asked, or be argumentative and sanctimonious according to this version that focuses on maintaining dignity and pleasant company in your later years.
- Talk to yourself because there are times you need expert advice, remember that “in style” means clothes that still fit, and accept that “on time” is when you get there from this humorous take that celebrates the realities of aging with wit.
- Thou shalt not feel sorry for thyself, despairingly compare today with the good old days, or insist upon being right at all times because growing older means growing wiser about what matters.
- Thou shalt not find too much fault with younger people, expect constant attention from thy family, or try to change people because acceptance becomes easier with age.
- Thou shalt not let thyself grow sloppy in body, dress or mind, because taking care of yourself remains important no matter how many birthdays you celebrate.
- Your people skills are fine but your tolerance for idiots needs work, you don’t need anger management but people to stop annoying you, and duct tape fixes many things but stupid isn’t one of them.
- The biggest lie you tell yourself is that you don’t need to write something down because you’ll remember it, aging has slowed you down but not shut you up, and you still haven’t learned to act your age and hope you never will.
- People your age are so much older than you, growing old should have taken longer, and one for the road now means using the bathroom before you leave the house.
Our Own Thirty Commandments for the Honest Truth About Getting Older
Those traditional commandments are fine and all, but let’s be real about what aging feels like. We came up with thirty more commandments based on the truths nobody warns you about when you’re young. These are the unspoken rules you learn only through experience. The kind of wisdom that comes from living long enough to know better and not caring who knows it.
My neighbor Betty laughs about how she plans her errands now around bathroom availability rather than efficiency. She’s not alone in this shift of priorities.
- Never trust a fart, because at this age, optimism has unfortunate consequences requiring a change of clothes.
- Don’t discuss politics even if you finally have the time for a good argument, because family dinners are hard enough without adding fuel to the fire.
- Always know where the nearest bathroom is before you need it, because urgency waits for no one and increases with each passing year.
- Accept you will become your parents, repeating the phrases you swore you would never say to your own children or grandchildren.
- Realize “I’ll do it tomorrow” now means “I’ll forget about it entirely,” so write everything down even when you insist you won’t forget.
- Understand getting off the floor requires a strategy, a piece of furniture, and more time than it took to get down there.
- Know every new ache requires a cost-benefit analysis before deciding whether it warrants a doctor visit or complaining to your spouse.
- Remember you’ve earned the right to cancel plans because you’re tired, and tired now means something different than it did at thirty.
- Accept technology moves faster than your ability to learn it, and there’s no shame in asking a twelve-year-old for help with your phone.
- Acknowledge you make noises now when sitting, standing, bending, or doing anything used to be silent.
- Recognize your idea of a wild night now involves staying up past ten o’clock and eating dessert before dinner.
- Embrace you will tell the same stories repeatedly, and the people who love you will pretend it’s the first time they’ve heard them.
- Understand “sleeping wrong” is now a legitimate injury incapacitating you for days.
- Accept you care less about what people think, which is both liberating and leads to saying what’s on your mind.
- Know your friends’ conversations revolve around medications, doctors, and whose joints hurt the most.
- Realize you’ve become invisible to certain segments of society, which has advantages when you want to eavesdrop or avoid small talk.
- Remember naps are no longer for children but a needed component of your daily survival strategy.
- Acknowledge you now understand why your grandparents kept their house so warm, because being cold goes straight to your bones.
- Accept reading restaurant menus requires glasses, good lighting, or a willingness to order randomly and hope for the best.
- Understand your grocery shopping trips take twice as long because you read labels now and care about ingredients.
- Know you’ve started sentences with “back in my day” without irony and with confusion about how things work now.
- Recognize your metabolism has retired even if you haven’t, and those extra pounds appear from thinking about dessert.
- Accept you treasure comfort over style, which explains the elastic waistbands and sensible shoes now dominating your wardrobe.
- Realize you’ve become the early bird special demographic, and you’re fine with dinner at four-thirty.
- Understand watching the news now comes with audible reactions, commentary, and yelling at the television.
- Know you’ve developed strong opinions about thermostats, lawn maintenance, and kids these days.
- Accept you remember phone numbers from childhood but not what you had for breakfast this morning.
- Acknowledge you’ve started prefacing stories with “before you were born” to an alarming number of people.
- Recognize your bedtime is now earlier than your grandchildren’s, and you’re not embarrassed about it.
- Understand the phrase “I’m too old for this” has become your personal mantra for everything from concerts to arguments to tight jeans.
That’s All the Commandments We Have for Now
Getting older comes with its challenges, but it also comes with the freedom to laugh at yourself and the absurdity of it all. These commandments won’t make your knees stop creaking or help you remember where you put your keys. But they gave you a chuckle and reminded you you’re not alone in this aging adventure.
Every senior citizen is out here navigating the same situations, making the same noises, and forgetting the same things. We hope you had some fun reading these and recognized yourself in a few of them.